I have a problem.?
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I have a very generous, yet sometimes overbearing sister-in-law. She and her hubby have always helped out when we’ve needed it, and we’ve helped them when needed. However, she has this young kid, who’s 18, who is trying to save money for a missionary trip or something that she is steadily pushing on me to do little projects around my house. So, I ask him if he can build a retaining wall using concrete landscape blocks. He says "sure, I’ve built three of them with my church" He talks about how do build it, etc seems legitimate. I leave him a cooler full of drinks, access to my swimming pool, etc. He shows up and can’t build the wall because he says the ground is too wet. We haven’t had rain for days and I already dug out for the foundation, it’s not too wet. Question is, how do I politely tell my sister-in-law I don’t want to use him anymore. This is twice he’s left me hanging, i won’t go into the other project, but just as stupid of a reason.
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Posted: October 11th, 2010 under Swimming Pool Landscaping.
Tags: concrete landscape, drinks, hubby, missionary trip, money, rain, retaining wall, sister in law, swimming pool
Comments
Comment from CAC
Time October 11, 2010 at 01:02
Be honest with her…tell her he has left you hanging twice and you need / want someone dependable to do the work you want done. Again, be honest and let her know that he is not dependable.
Honesty is always the best.
be cool…
Comment from the_wayward1
Time October 11, 2010 at 01:02
maybe you could tell them he needs help, because he seems to have a problem getting the project started.
Comment from speakers
Time October 11, 2010 at 01:02
Well, tell her as soon as possible before worse things could happen.
She seems like a good and approachable sister-in-law.
Also, she’s not the one you don’t like, it is her son. So tell her about what’s happening and what you’re feeling in a nice way.
I hope she’ll understand and good luck.
Comment from LB
Time October 11, 2010 at 01:02
Just say – hey I wanted to let you know, it doesn’t sound like Nick is going to be able to finish the job in time so I went ahead and hired someone. I’ll find another project for him soon though.
Comment from dashadow452
Time October 11, 2010 at 01:02
The direct approach is the only way to do it. I would call or stop by your sister inlaws place and ask to speak with her about something important, have the kid there as well. Explain that you are very disappointed that on several occasions you have afford him the opportunity to help himself and on every occasion he has let you down. While you care about them you have to have confidence in his ability to perform tasks that he says he can do and that isnt the case anymore. State that this isnt personal because you were just trying to help the family but on the same token you were taken advantage of and it wont be happening again until he restores your trust in him. Sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do and people in the past have let him get away with being a slug. Good luck.
Comment from Emonie D
Time October 11, 2010 at 01:02
Tell her the truth. You love her and appreciate all the help they’ve ever given you and you don’t want hard feelings but seems he really doesn’t know what he is doing or can’t do it alone. It is an expensive project you really can’t afford for it to go wrong.
Comment from Erik A
Time October 11, 2010 at 01:02
Your sister-in-law. I think that her personality is probably felt on everyone in the same manner. Her son included. He does the jobs, lies about his experience (maybe), and does a poor job because he is trying to please his Mom (or make her get off of his back … )
Your nephew. Is his personality a "people pleaser" or is lying and shirking a job something that you would not have expected from him?
If lying and shirking his job are not things you would expect from him. I would start working on your sister-in-law through your nephew. Find out what he wants. Don’t hire him again but maybe go for a Starbucks (you will probably have to buy!) and chat about his dreams and ambitions.
Maybe you can go to your sister-in-law with her son and assist him in finding what he needs to do with his life.
If you can help him to be productive, any money he has riped you out of will be a good investment and, although it may take several years, your sister-in-law will stop panic reacting about her son’s future.
Probably she is pushy toward him because she inately knows that he is a shoddy worker. Kids don’t work well at home and work poorly outside the home … well ok. … not consistently!
Comment from needhelp27
Time October 11, 2010 at 01:02
find someone els to do it ………its your home your money and your time………………who cares what she think…if she is a church person she will accept it like a good church person would and say that god wanted him to get someone els to do it for it was too much work for her son.
Comment from mymyisms
Time October 11, 2010 at 01:02
If she’s your wife’s sister, your wife should be backing you up. Your wife should be able to be straight with her, and if not, then you might have to take the tactful road which would be to suggest alternatives. Suggest that he get a job as he will be able to make money more quickly that way, plus it will be good for his resume, good life experience, etc etc. (HE’S 18, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, where’s the JOB?). Also, you could simply run out of projects, or say that what you have there isn’t really room for assistance, but you appreciate the offer, you’ll let him know when you need help.
On a side note: Why is she pushing you to fund her son’s trip, any way????? It’s rude. He’s 18 years old, he should be funding his own trip, or she should.